Single Mother’s Day

Tomorrow is my third Mother’s Day as a mother and I already know it will be my favourite.

In the past, Mother’s Day presents I’ve received have included Chanel sunglasses, Vivienne Westwood jewellery and expensive perfume. This year I will receive a £3.99 succulent plant bought by me, for me. Because I know my babies would if they could.

The expensive presents were purchased begrudgingly by my soon to be ex-husband. Bought out of guilt, or maybe just to throw in my face at some future point in time when he needed a way to prove to me that I was the terrible person and he was the good person. The joy of the lovely present would soon become tainted and I knew that the minute I opened it.

The past three Mother’s Days have been tense affairs. Any celebration or ‘event’ was always a tense affair. Each and every single time, without fail, my husband would start an argument with me to ruin the day. Mother’s Day was no exception.

I can’t remember how any of the arguments started but I remember how they all ended. With me in tears, feeling desperate, alone and like I had no way out. I would sit there as he bellowed at me for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, maybe an hour. As his voice was booming in my ears I would be fantasising about ways I could break out of the hell I was living. But at that time I wasn’t strong enough and it was just a fantasy to think I could get away. I was deep under his control.

There was no point trying to leave, he would follow me. If I tried to defend myself I was ‘making it worse’ and if I ignored his screamed questions I was ‘disrespecting’ him. I absolutely could not win.

The expensive presents meant nothing. Actually it was worse than that; they meant I was still under his control. They meant I would spend the day walking on eggshells waiting for his inevitable explosion into a fit of rage. They reminded me that he could control my day with his moods and arguments and I couldn’t do a thing about it.

Until I did. Until I threw him out. Until I found the strength for myself and my children and I threw him out.

So tomorrow there will be no expensive presents. There will be no fit of rage. Not in this house anyway. There will be no tension, no anxiety, no sense of foreboding, no crying.

There will just be me and my boys. Loving each other and spending the day feeling happy and lucky and grateful for our succulent plant.


6 thoughts on “Single Mother’s Day

  1. Oh gorgeous, I’m so bloody proud of you for writing this!! I had no clue at all that things have been so utterly awful for you and I cannot tell you how happy I am that you’ve been able to be so Brave.
    Onwards and upwards and life is too short to live it unhappily. Here’s to a happy future for you and your beautiful boys xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Touching post. I am glad you broke free of someone who was destroying your life and sprit and that you are now happy wirh your boys. The expensive gifts don’t mean anything when they come with strings or are compensating for something – I learned that lesson too. Glad you had a genuinely Happy Mother’s day x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had no idea. My ex was a manipulative alcoholic who made me miserable every day so I know a little of how you felt and feel. I found the courage to leave him in the end too. It wasn’t easy but I’m so much happier now. I hope you got the mothers day this year that you deserve ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. It really was like living a new hell every day, as you know, but now even the smallest things feel amazing because he isn’t there to ruin them or put me down. Mother’s Day was low key and gorgeous, hope yours was lovely too xxx


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s