Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy 

Once again I need to start by apologising for neglecting my poor little blog. Life has been quite hectic and I just haven’t found the time but I’m back now. 

So, since my last post on Omar, (Finding Out Your Child Has Learning Disabilities) which was about a month ago, there have been some developments. The main one being: we have some more words!!! For such a long time he would only say  two words (oh no and ball) but over the past 4 or so weeks this has increased to 20 words! (Not that I’m counting or anything.) His receptive language (understanding) also seems to have improved a lot and he generally just seems to be engaging more. The little toad still hasn’t said mama though, I’m so desperate for that word to come!

  
I’m not sure whether these steps forward he has taken can be put down to the brilliant speech therapist we have started to see; an online video program we started called Gemiini; or whether it was just time for him to start talking more. But I’m just so glad he’s moving in the right direction and we’re going to keep doing what we’ve been doing and hope it continues. 

With each new word he says I get ridiculously excited and it lifts me for the whole day. The first new word he said spontaneously was cat. We were walking down the street and he pointed to a cat and said ‘cat’. I wasn’t quite sure I’d heard it right and didn’t dare believe it. But then later that day he also said cake and balloon. I was so overjoyed but didn’t dare revel in it too much in case it was a fluke and he’d be stuck on those words for months and months and months, the same way he was with ‘oh no’ and ‘ball’.

But his words continued to increase and I’m so proud of him. I make him work hard with the tasks the speech therapist has given us but we make it fun too and so far so good. 

  
He also had an appointment with a paediatrician a few weeks ago. She was great and spent over an hour with us. She saw Omar in action; he was in a whirlwind mood and kept filling toy pans up in the doctor’s hand washing basin and then trying to soak her with them (I know it shouldn’t have been funny but it so was). He also managed to hit her on the head twice with a ball, clapping and cheering afterwards both times (which leads me to believe her head was the target). Anyway, she didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know in terms of his development. He is delayed. We knew that. But she did say ‘he doesn’t have autism’. She actually said it like that. Not that she doesn’t think/believe/suspect he has autism. Just that he hasn’t got it. I don’t know whether she’s able to know that just from one hour with him; I thought a team of people would need to be involved to make that kind of decision. But anyway, that particular paediatrician doesn’t think Omar’s on the spectrum and neither does his speech therapist. Honestly, I don’t think he is either. I’m not ruling it out though. Just in case. His behaviour definitely isn’t typical but it doesn’t seem to fit with autism either. I’m stumped to be honest. 

 

First day of his new pre school
 
Omar has started at a new pre school recently too and the staff there are so supportive. He’s only been 6 times so far but I’ve got high hopes about the place. I’m especially hoping they can help with his challenging behaviour. They seem firmer with him than his last nursery and are working on boundaries, which can only be a good thing because he has no concept of them at the moment. 

So at 2 years 10 months Omar says 20 words spontaneously and copies around another 5. I know this is waaaay behind typical kids his age but he is talking and at one point I genuinely feared that he never would. His 25 words bring me joy. 

On the way home from pre school, when he points to a tree and says ‘tree’ I’m so so thrilled. I’m ecstatic! I’m walking on air! Until behind us, I hear a child younger than him taking in full sentences, telling their parents what they did that day. 

Then it hits me again how delayed Omar is and the grief comes creeping back in. 

So I have to block all other children out at the moment. Because comparison is the thief of joy and I won’t let anything steal this joy. For now, other children are irrelevant. Even yours. Sorry. I will still be pleased for you when they reach a milestone or make you proud. I will like your Facebook posts and leave kind comments on your Instagram photos. And I’m not being fake, I am genuinely celebrating that achievement with you. But I’m ignoring the age of your child and I’m oblivious to their stage of development. It’s the only way at the moment. I need to preserve my joy. 

I hope you understand. 

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10 thoughts on “Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy 

  1. That sounds wonderful to me! My daughter will be 3 next weekend and she says zero words. Global delay with no diagnosis. Tests galore, but no answers. I’ve also had at least 4 doctors tell me “she’s not autistic.” Just that matter of fact, and they didn’t spend an hour with her…only minutes really. Anyhow, happy for your son’s progress! Sounds like he’s really doing great. I’m with you on blocking out the other kids…and adult advice for that matter! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment 😊. It’s tough not having answers isn’t it? We don’t know the cause of Omar’s delays for sure yet but it’s looking likely that it’s due to being starved of oxygen at birth. At the present time I don’t dwell too much on the cause because the ‘treatment’ (for want of a better word) is the same regardless.
      I really hope your daughter has a fabulous birthday next weekend and makes progress over the coming months and years ❤️

      Like

  2. Omar is just precious and it sounds like you are doing the best for him and he will get all the support he needs from you. You’re doing an amazing job! And yeah, comparing is something we all do as mums especially. I too feel like I need to stop doing it sometimes, even comparing my own 2 kids against eachother. You’ve got the right idea. Good luck with everything X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting 😊. And I know what you mean about comparing your own two kids – my 9 month old is doing things Omar never did and I’m constantly saying to my husband ‘Omar never did that, Omar didn’t do that’. Then I feel guilty for noticing! Being a parent is an emotional minefield!
      Thanks again for your kind words, it means a lot xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Omar is a sweetheart and you are a brave mama. I am with you on trying not too compare, I often compare my two kids and they are so completely different. We are better off to just enjoy them the way they are 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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