Stop Wiping Bogies In My Hair

‘Stop wiping bogies in my hair’ is one of the ridiculous sentences that no person should ever have to utter that has come out of my mouth today. 


The bogie-wiper himself
Others are ‘don’t touch, it’s poo’, ‘get out of the tumble dryer please’ and ‘stop eating that candle’. Obviously I was ignored on every occasion. 

I realise there will be many more of these pleas to come. My oldest is only 2 and youngest is 3 months. But at what point will they stop being so gross?! 

I can understand the need to explore and get inside the tumble dryer (sort of) and taste candle wax just once (possibly) but why the over-familiarity with bodily fluids?! Why the urge to pee all over the carpet, aiming to cover as large a surface area as possible, the minute a nappy is removed?! It’s just so gross!

It’s no surprise to me that my children do things that make me gag pretty much every day. My friends have always laughed about my gag reflex and propensity to barf at anything slightly disgusting and having kids is really testing my stomach! 

While I was pregnant with baby number 2 I was trying to chat to my sister about Gogglebox but had to demand we change the subject because I was gagging so much thinking about one of the family’s who have loads of dogs. (My concern was that their house smelt of dog and it very nearly made me vomit.) I avoided the vom by quickly thinking and talking about something else. But with kids I can’t! I have to deal with whatever rank situation they’ve created, often having to touch slimey, stinky messes 😷.

It’s quite upsetting really, that sliding bogies out of my hair is now a regular occurrence. I might even get used to it at this rate and stop gagging. But I really hope not. 

Sitting on top of the TV unit with no pants on is the only acceptable way to watch ‘Show Me Show Me’ apparently. (Yes that is wax crayon all over the TV unit.)

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